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Internet Forum Humor

Posted: June 26, 2012 2:27:37 • 531 words

One of the websites I host/maintain is a moderately-popular internet forum geared toward a teenage audience. Obviously, I'm not a teenager anymore, I still work there because I've been running it since I was 19, so I don't really relate on a personal level to a lot of the members there. But, I still make posts when the occasion strikes, and I made one tonight that I felt like sharing. Since it's in a thread in a non-public section of the site, I'm posting it here.

There's a thread called "Ask A Staff Member" in a section of the site for humor, forum games, and general randomness, and while it's often used for serious questions and answers, it's used for silly things just as often. Tonight, this question popped up, including a section addressed directly to me.

um dear Natasha,
do you know the muffin man?

from,
{name}

dear All other staff,
did you know Oreo cookies suport gay marage befor I told you ?

this leter is sent to you by,
{name}

I'm never one to pass up an opportunity for sillyness, and I had a bit of a lull in my work, so I decided to actually put some effort into my response.

um dear Natasha,
do you know the muffin man?

from,
{name}

Yeah, he's kinda boring though, all he ever wants to talk about are muffins. I know that's his main business, but there are other things that happen in life besides muffins, ya know? Like, I went by his place the other day to pick up some muffins, said "Have a nice day!", and his reply was "Enjoy your muffins!". It's like "Dude, I get it, you're really into muffins, you don't have to rub it in my face all the time".

dear All other staff,
did you know Oreo cookies suport gay marage befor I told you ?

this leter is sent to you by,
{name}

Oreos support gay marriage? That's pretty awesome, considering that they're cookies, and therefore can't take political stances or express emotion. Unless...

OMG! Does this mean cookies are sentient beings? The tens of thousands of cookies I've eaten in my life were actually politically-active citizens? I...I'm a mass-murderer. I'm the reason why the last 15 years of elections have been so close, and why Democrats have performed so awfully in elections in my lifetime: I've been eating progressive-minded cookies by the pound my entire life! I should have known that something so delicious was actually a living being that supported my values.

*looks mournfully at the package of Oreos in her kitchen* I'm so, so sorry, Oreos, I'll never eat another one of you again! I didn't know! I swear! Please forgive me...

*tosses them out the window* Go forth and be free! Go live a fulfilling life, and help defeat the right-wingers who've been wrecking the country! And tell your kin that I've changed my ways, and shall never take the life of a cookie again.

...

*remembers she lives on the 9th floor, as the package disintegrates in the parking lot below* ...Oh, right...

:-(

Comedy isn't really my strength, but occasionally, I have my moments :-)